11 Feb
Is My Wife Cheating, Or Is That Someone Else In The Video?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have been married to my wife for 22 years. We have had our ups and downs over the years, and have five children and now one grandchild.

I have suspected for years that she has been having an online affair, and last September I received a link to a video of a woman having sex with a guy. I could only see the woman from the back, but I swear it is my wife — the woman was very pregnant, her hair was highlighted and the same length as my wife’s, and her back, legs and buttocks all match. It breaks my heart to think that she cheated on me, especially while she was pregnant with our son. I really don’t want to believe it. I have had many opportunities to cheat, but would never even entertain the thought. She swears it is not her, and even swears on our children’s salvation. Do women really look that much alike from behind? 

Sincerely,

Benjamin Dover

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Dear Ben,

Whoa. Just hold it right there, my friend. You are NEVER supposed to tell a woman you can tell she’s pregnant from behind. That’s grounds for cheating in and of itself!

Okay. Not really.

Was the video sent to you anonymously? Or, did it come from “Mike Hunt” or “Amanda Hugginkiss?” Listen, unless it would seem totally normal to you to receive a link to a video of two complete strangers having sex (I don’t know what kind of friends you have. No judgment.), it seems clear to me that the woman in that video is your wife. I am so sorry. Women do not all look that much alike from behind, and after 22 years of marriage, 5 kids, and one grandchild, I would expect you to know every freckle, dimple, and scar on your wife’s body.

A 22 year marriage is not something to just throw away lightly, though. And, after watching a marathon of a show called “Unfaithful” on Oprah’s OWN network (What? I had insomnia. I don’t judge you, you don’t judge me), many couples have gone through something like this and come through it stronger and more devoted to each other than ever. But not without help. If you do want to save your marriage, you need some couples counseling pronto.

Your wife may continue to deny, deny, deny, but regardless of that, there is a rift in your relationship. I wish you the best in working it out in a way that makes you both happy.

Sincerely,

Karen, TMH

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07 Feb
School or Work?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

This probably isn’t one of your usual questions you get asked, as it has nothing to do with sex, but I wanted some opinion from outside the realm of people I know personally.

I’ve been in childcare for well over a year now, and I’m job hunting for a better job – currently I am a sitter – but I want something more full time and a job where I don’t have to worry about paying back a ton of taxes (as I recieve a 1099) either at a daycare or being a nanny filling out a w4.

I have the chance to be a nanny full time in August but I’m unsure if I should take it because I’m also in college trying to aquire my Associate’s degree in early childhood education. I want to be a nanny but I also would love to have my AA.

I know, odd dilema, right? I will be almost done with my classes before next August, but I have to do 10 credits of Student Internship at a teaching facility (school, daycare, etc) and I’m pretty sure being someone’s personal nanny at their private residence doesn’t count.

I’ve applied to various daycares around Seattle/Lynnwood and haven’t heard much back, so I’m concerned if I should put my AA on hold or not.

Signed,

To Finish AA or Not

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Dear AA-Bound, Possibly,

First of all, congratulations on taking that first important step and admitting you have a problem. Alcoholism is a serious disease and I’m heartened to know that you are addressing the situation through the assistance and support of Alcoholics Anon- What? Hold on.

AA stands for Associate’s Degree? Shouldn’t that be AD?! This is exactly what’s wrong with kids today. And letters today. Oh, I see. It’s an Associate’s in Arts. Got it. We will now proceed with the advice-dispensing. I’ll wait until you get a pen and paper to take notes.

Personally, I’m of the school that believes education is always a great thing, and if you are on track to receive a degree, and have an opportunity to do so, grab it! Of course I’m also of the school that believes that on-the-job experience is crucial, and no one should give it up without careful consideration. As you can see, I am enrolled in two schools, probably incurring student loans in each. Send cash.

There are several questions you need to ask yourself: How much is the time commitment to the August job? How secure is the position? Is it possible to have the job and do an internship at the teaching facility as well?

I know I’m suggesting a heavy workload, but please consider the possibility. Your new employer may be very happy that you will be getting hands on experience at a teaching facility (after all, taking care of children is an art form) and if there is flexibility with your working hours, perhaps you can do both. Or maybe it’s possible to extend the time that it takes you to do the internship and do fewer hours over more semesters.

However, if it is a true one or the other situation, I recommend getting the Associate’s out of the way. Then you will have the degree for life, and the invaluable experience and contacts that comes with the internship.

Good luck!

Marinka, TMH

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04 Feb
Texting with a Friend’s Husband is Not So Smart

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My neighbor is my friend and her husband recently made several passes at me.  I had no idea that he was interested in me, blind I guess.  I won’t lie – I like the attention. But I have no interest in sleeping with him. But I also haven’t stopped him from hitting on me. And I am married too.

But he just dropped a bomb on me about how his wife (my friend) always looks at the phone records and asked me what we should do if she asks why we have been texting each other back and fourth.  I am terrified of losing my friendship and I don’t want things to be awkward between us. I am completely fine to stop interacting with him. But what am I supposed to do if she asks me? I’m afraid she wouldn’t believe me if I told her he started it, and that she’ll spread rumors about me. I feel so stupid for this.

Signed,

Flirting with the Boy Next Door

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Dear Flirting with the Boy Next Door,

Wow. You have gotten yourself in a real pickle. Yes, I understand why you feel stupid. But he should feel even stupider (I think that’s a real word) because he knew all along that his wife reviews the phone records and kept texting you anyway.

But it doesn’t really matter who is crowned the most stupid or who started it because girl, you gotta get your act together! You are a married woman and flirting with your friend’s husband is not appropriate, or smart. Let me remind you that General Petraeus got caught having an extramarital affair because of email. If the director of the CIA can’t get away with this crap, then there isn’t much hope for you. Man, it’s hard to have an affair these days.

It’s time to ask yourself a few questions. Why are you letting this guy hit on you? Is it just the excitement of something new? Or the danger of it all? Are you unhappy in your marriage? Losing your friend might be the least of your concerns if your husband finds out about this.

I would immediately cut off all contact with the friend’s husband and start reinvesting in your relationship with your husband. If your friend does approach you about these phone records, I would admit that yes, you have texted with her husband (true) because you and the husband are friends (sort of true) but nothing is going on between you guys (true) and that her friendship is important to you (true).

If you’re lucky, one of her kids will use those phone records on the bottom of their bird cage and she’ll never be the wiser.  Buy them a bird immediately.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

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