28 Jun
I Love My Family But What I Really Need Are Friends

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I currently moved three thousand miles away from my home and I am a stay at home mom now. My issue is I ALWAYS have my 2-year-old daughter with me and I am expecting another baby in September but I don’t have any friends and I don’t even know how to go about making any. Please help me!!!


My 2-year-old is Not a Great Conversationalist


Dear My 2-year-old is Not a Great Conversationalist,

Oh yes.  Every gal out there needs some cool ladies they can split a box of rosé with. I mean, talk about the pros and cons of attachment parenting. Your problem is really as old as the dawn of time, whenever that was. I do remember Adam and Eve got in one fierce argument because Eve was complaining incessantly that she had no girl posse and was very lonely.

We professionals in the advice business call your problem, “I Need Some Damn Friends ASAP or My Brain is Going to Explode From Lack of Adult Conversation During the Day.” Lucky for you, we have tons of great ideas.  Here is some advice. And some more.

And you are ignoring your golden ticket to life long fabulous friendships. Your daughter!! She provides a natural way to meet people. Make an effort to talk to other moms at the playground and set up playdates with other moms who have toddlers. Sign your daughter up for classes or preschool and start networking! You will have to slog your way through some duds until you find a mom that you really click with (remember dating?) but it’s so worth it.

Unfortunately it doesn’t happen overnight. When I first moved to the suburbs, I used to curl myself up in a ball and watch Sex in the City, pretending that Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha were my besties. But eventually I met some really funny, great moms and I no longer have to pretend that TV characters are my friends. Well, I still do that but definitely not as much.

So hang in there. Your mom friends are out there!

Kelcey, TMH

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27 Jun
There’s No Crying in Baseball. But a lot of Tantrums

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My ten year old son plays baseball on a travel team. My issue is not that I’ll be spending every single weekend at the ball field this summer, rather it’s that my son has very high expectations of himself and his performance on the field.

He gets upset when he gets out or misses a play or struggles on the mound. His reaction usually involves tears and occasionally tossing his helmet or glove when he comes back to the dugout. Despite our assurances that he’s doing well (which he is), he holds himself to an unreasonable standard – get a hit each at bat, make every fielding play, get all batters out without allowing a hit/run. We repeatedly emphasize how infrequently professional players actually get on base or get every batter out and how tough it is, but it doesn’t seem to register.

In general, he’s a sensitive kid (which most of the time I love), but I fear his reactions on the field are a bit too dramatic for the ballpark. I’m glad he cares about the game but I want him to have fun playing baseball. And secondly, I don’t want anyone to make fun of him for getting that upset. To be fair, there are other players on the team who get emotional as well but I feel my son get more upset more often.

Any suggestions for resetting his expectations or toning down the drama on the field? Or is this just par for the age?

Not a Perfect Game


Dear Imperfect Game,

As someone who has served what seems like a few life sentences on the bleachers myself watching many, many (many) baseball games, I can tell you that at this age, boys have a variety of reactions when things don’t go well on the field. Or at bat.  Anything goes- from shrugging, to sulking, to throwing the bat and/or helmet, crouching on the field, and sometimes even the grandaddy of no-nos, arguing with the umpire.  Usually getting ejected from a game cures kids of some of this behavior. And by “this age” I mean from 5 until 75. I hear that by 76, some guys mellow out.

But what we’re dealing with here is the fact that your son cares about the game. He doesn’t want to let himself or his team down. He wants to win. All of these are great things.  Except he needs to realize that baseball is not about him anymore than it’s about any individual players on the team. It’s a team sport. His pitch doesn’t have to be perfect, his fielders are there to field.  No matter how many millions are thrown at an MLB power hitter, no one gets on base every time.

Your son will understand this eventually, although accepting it is another story. Since you already had the conversation with him, consider speaking to the coach about on-field and in-dugout demeanor. Sometimes hearing what kind of behavior is expected of him by the coach can be very helpful in guiding his behavior.

Can he have a few pick up games with his friends? It’s easy to forget the toll that competition has on our kids and it’s a great reminder to be able to just play and have fun with the game.

I would not worry about other kids making fun of him for getting upset. If there’s one thing I learned from all the bench-sitting is that 1o year olds take baseball very seriously. So the chance that they’d accuse a teammate of over-reaction is slim, since they’re all moments away from tears and helmet flinging themselves.  As are the MLB players.

Best of luck,

Marinka, TMH


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26 Jun
Aruba, Jamaica, Ooh I Wanna Take Ya to….Alaska?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m hoping you can help settle an argument I am having with my wife. We’re in the process of booking our first solo vacation, but we are deadlocked over the type of vacation we’d like to have. My wife wants something supremely relaxing, such as a resort in the Mediterranean. I, on the other hand, was hoping for something a bit more exciting and rejuvenating like an adventure vacation in Alaska or Australia. We can only afford one trip like this, so I’d like for us to both be happy.

How can we reach some sort of compromise? Last I checked, there are no zip lines in the Bahamas.


Don’t Want No Kokomo


Dear DWNK,

Well, first off, congratulations on finally getting away on your own as a happy couple now that the kids are grown and three-quarters of your life is over! (Ahem. Sorry. Projecting.)

What a bummer that you aren’t in unity regarding your destination. Talk about a first world problem, amirite?! Ahhh, socioeconomics!

Anyhoo, let’s think here. I feel like you have exactly two options, so let’s explore each.

1. Compromise!

While you may not find many zip lines and whitewater rafting runs in the Bahamas, I bet there are many tropical islands that could satisfy what you are both looking for, if you are each willing to compromise just a tad. For your half of the bargain, start considering a vacation spot that has both adventure and gorgeous, serene beaches. Costa Rica, for example has a little of both, as do many South American countries.

Or, if you are thinking of Australia, consider a resort on one of its many islands. Adventures could include deep-sea diving, whale watching, and running from gigantic, poisonous spiders! As for your wife, she may need to be more flexible in her vision of a serene, tropical resort. Spend some time on the Internet looking up various countries and add the word “beaches” for some visual reference. If she’s being especially stubborn, start Googling mail-order-brides. That’ll teach her! Or, maybe just go with a third party for moderation, such as, oh, a travel agent. (No, really, I hear they still exist!)

2. Go with Option C!

If you cannot come to some sort of compromise, then how the hell did you stay married for so long? Also: really? In that case, your best option is to pick something entirely unlike what either of you had in mind so that you’ll both be equally miserable. For example, you could go to New York City and experience Broadway, The Today Show and the Naked Cowboy.

Or, how about trying a vacation in Ohio? I hear it’s lovely this time of year. No? Not for you? Well, another option still is to use the opportunity to experience life like completely different people!  Dress up like Rockabillies and head down to the local Roller Derby arena. It’s Highway to the DangerZone! Now that will be a night to remember! Or NOT remember, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

(I don’t really know what I mean.)

My point here is that, if you are smart, which you seem to be, you will figure out some sort of compromise. Having one of you cave to the other will probably turn to resentment and midlife crises and Porsches, and that’s just expensive.

Bon Voyage, you crazy kids!

Kristine, TMH

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25 Jun
Make It A Light Cider Summer

Welcome to The Mouthy Housewives Review of Michelob ULTRA Light Cider! (This is a sponsored post. Please visit the Michelob ULTRA Light Cider page on BlogHer.com or visit the Sponsor’s Site for more information.)

The first thing you need to know about this new drink from Anheuser-Busch is that it’s called “Light Cider,” but it’s actually “Hard Cider.” Which confused me for quite some time until I realized that the type of drink it is is hard cider, but it’s a light version of hard cider. So I guess it could really be called Light Hard Cider, but that probably wouldn’t fit on the crisply designed bottle and also, it sounds way too much like the Electric Light Orchestra and would therefore confuse disco-era drinkers like myself. Smart thinking, Michelob!

My husband picked up a six-pack of Michelob ULTRA Light Cider at the grocery store yesterday and brought it out to our patio where we were in the midst of a wild pool party. (By “wild,” I mean there were three grade-schoolers attacking me with SuperSoakers.) I immediately picked up a bottle and couldn’t wait to take a long sip because it just looked like summer refreshment. Seriously, wouldn’t this look inviting at a party?


I admit that the “Naturally Gluten Free” line on the label threw me a bit because I then started thinking, “Huh, does cider usually have gluten? Gluten is wheat and beer is made out of wheat and also something called ‘hops,’ which might be a rabbit by-product, but maybe I’m wrong on that one, too. Seriously, just because I’m related to farmers doesn’t mean I know this stuff, but—I guess since gluten’s in beer, if you’re allergic to gluten, then this is a good choice for you!” And then I had to sit down for a few minutes and let the kids spray me with pool water because using your brain in the sun hurts.

Then I grabbed an ice-cold bottle of ULTRA Light Cider and took a sip. It has a very strong green apple flavor—similar to Jolly Ranchers—with an underlying taste I can’t quite put my finger on. But it’s very sweet and I’m sure lovers of cider will be pleased with this new drink option. Michelob ULTRA Light Cider is 4% alcohol by volume, only 120 calories and just six grams of sugar, so it’s probably a good choice for people who are watching their weight and/or don’t want a heavy drink in the summer. Plus it contains apple juice, so you can count it as a fruit. Happy cider summer!

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21 Jun
My 5 Year Old Wants to Same Sex Marry Her Friend!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Our daughter is a bright, outgoing 5-year-old who attends preschool at our church. She has a best friend named Sarah. For six months or so, our daughter has been telling us that she’s going to marry Sarah. We’ve just gone with it, telling her that she can marry whoever she wants when she’s grown up. She has concocted all kinds of plans for the two of them, from going on a date to get ice cream to getting married and kissing.

My husband and I want our daughter to be herself and have no desire to change or judge her. But I am wondering how much to make of her feelings toward Sarah. Part of me thinks that she sees relationships as a series of stages, and if she’s friends with Sarah and she loves her, then of course they’ll get married. The other part of me wonders if she will always love girls/women, which is fine; I just want to be encouraging and to protect her.

What do you think? Can you predict a child’s sexual orientation based on their first serious crush? And is there anything I should be doing that I’m not?

Cool but Confused


Dear Cool but Confused,

Your question made me think about my own youth, which I spent behind the equally Cool but Confused Iron Curtain.  When I was a kid in Leningrad, I had the following crushes and wanted to marry most if not all of them: Natasha, Lenny, Natasha again, Lenny, but only when he shared gum with me, Tania, Boris and then some other kid whose name I can’t even remember.

I was practically the Liz Taylor of the Soviet Bloc.

It seems to me that your understanding of what’s going on with your daughter is exactly right. She loves her friend and she wants to be around her. In her world, that means marriage.  I would see it more as a testament to the relationship her father and you have modeled than a signal that you should start looking for an attorney to draft a prenup.  Although it’s never a bad idea to keep an eye on who brings which Barbie into the relationship.

If your 5 year old is like many other girls, her relationship with Sarah will go through many phases and issues such as whether Sarah (or your daughter) can  have more than one best friend, and what if Sarah (or your daughter) likes the secondary best friend more than the original best friend, which is exactly what we were afraid of when the whole issue of a second best friend came up with.

What is unlikely is that your daughter and Sarah will have it out with each other someone’s inability to load the dishwasher correctly or keeping the other one waiting by spending approximately a millennium in the bathroom getting ready.  And, really, isn’t that what marriage is all about?

Best wishes,

Marinka, TMH

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