Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Yesterday I was sitting with a group of moms and they were talking about helping out at school and some of the difficult personalities they face with some of the children. I participated by saying one little girl doesn’t like to listen to my direction. That was the extent of what I said and I didn’t say it with a mean tone, just matter of fact. I later realized her aunt was nearby and may have heard my comment.
Should I approach the aunt and apologize? I do not know her that well but she is someone I like and respect. I didn’t say anything terribly rude but I do realize, in general, it is best to not talk about other children.
Possible Foot in Mouth
Dear Possible Foot,
You know I’ve heard some things in my day, but this one really takes the cake.
I’m just going to take a deep breath and give you the benefit of the doubt. I will assume that you had an adverse reaction to some medication or maybe you were temporarily possessed by an evil spirit.
Because how else can you explain that awful thing you said about this poor woman’s niece?
I’m just glad that the whole incident passed nonviolently. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some litigation in your future over this issue.
Of course there’s another way of looking at it. That what you said is really no big deal. That it was not mean-spirited, untrue or hurtful. It seems that “doesn’t like to listen to my direction” isn’t a terrible thing to say about someone. It’s not like you said that she was a future Real Housewife or something. In my opinion, you should let it go.
You are not certain if the aunt heard you and if she did, she may have just taken it in stride. It’s possible that she may have even nodded in recognition. If you raise it with her, you may have to repeat what you said about her niece, which, according to my math and your sensibilities would leave you with potentially two feet in your mouth.
If you feel that you absolutely must say something to the aunt, go with something nonchalant like “That was some chat we had about the different personalities in the class!” or “If they made a movie about our school, they’d definitely cast Angelina Jolie as you.”
But I do think it’s important to recognize the discomfort you felt over this relatively minor gossip scenario. So listen to your gut and don’t gossip about other people’s children. Except behind their backs, like everyone else.
Happy Friday, everyone! Is is just me, or are you ready for your third margarita already? Who cares if it’s 8am! ::hiccup:: On that note, I’d like to introduce you to today’s guest
designated driver Mouthy Housewife! Nicole of Ninja Mom Blog has more wit in her Mother’s Apron than I do in both of my saddle bags. COMBINED. Which is why we’re leaving her in charge of the joint while Kelcey, Marinka, Wendi and I try to find a bartender that will ask to see our IDs. Enjoy! –Kristine
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’ve recently lost about 40lbs. I have a lot more to go, though, and going to the gym has been a big priority for me. Recently, this cute guy who works at my gym has been hitting on me. Asking very obvious questions about my interests, schedule, etc. I know, as an empowered, modern woman, I’m supposed to be turned off by his forwardness, but I gotta admit, after being fat and invisible for so long, it feels really nice to be noticed–and by a hottie, nonetheless!
I’m happily married, and my husband is deployed, and I have NO intention of cheating or taking this cutie up on any potential offer. No. Not going to happen.
BUT, knowing he’ll be there and I can enjoy a little eye candy while I work out and perhaps even get a little ego boost…well, let’s say it makes for VERY good motivation to keep getting my butt up bright and early and hitting the sneakers.
My relationship status has never come up. My wedding ring doesn’t fit, so I don’t wear it. And eventually, if he musters the desire to actually ask me out, I’ll have to tell him I’m married. And then I’m kind of afraid the flirting will stop. Ethically, I know it SHOULD stop, but I’d really hate to lose that little boost I get every morning. I don’t want to lead the guy on, but I also don’t want to make his comments seem unwelcome.
Ack! Any advice?
My Dear Ethically Challenged,
As the previous owner of a ba-donka-donk that could knock down skinny women at the buffet line (Whoops! Sorry, watch for the other cheek, I’m turning around!), I feel your joy. Becoming the skinny hot chick after living inside the body of a chubby gal is a powerful feeling. So is programming your DVR from your laptop.
What’s not such a fun feeling is CRUSHING GUILT and SELF-LOATHING. And that’s where you might be headed if this flirting gets out of hand. (Self-loathing is also possible if you set your DVR to record Lifetime movies. You’ve been warned.)
But no worries: I’ve got a plan that will allow you to soak up the good vibrations from McSweaty and keep your marriage safe three months from now when you might otherwise find yourself in the locker room showing him your new biceps workout—without your pants on.
The first step is to incorporate mentions of your husband. When McSweaty asks what you like to do for fun, tell him that when your husband isn’t deployed, you and he like to have tobacco spitting contests. This is a gentle way to introduce your husband into the conversation, as well as hint at your disgusting tobacco chewing habit that, even if McSweaty is warm for your form, is a bit of a turn off.
The second step is to let your personal hygiene deteriorate in inverse proportion to your ever shrinking hot bod. For every pound you lose, skip an essential grooming step. Bye-bye deodorant! Sayonara leg shaving! Toothbrush? What toothbrush? At this rate, by the time you reach your goal, you’ll have pulled a reverse nanny McPhee, becoming more hideous (think long chin hairs and poppy seed studded teeth) as you become more toned. How you like her now, McSweaty?
Should he still be flirty after all this time, it will be your job to find a new gym or become a hefty gal again. Because your marriage is worth it, m’kay? And supplement with liberal doses of Ryan Gosling.
He makes every woman feel . . .hold on . . . can’t type . . . Gosling hot flash.
But don’t worry. Now that you’re sexy and you know it, there are bound to be a host of new admirers that can toss a little light flirting your way. McSweaty isn’t the only game in town. How do you feel about the UPS guy?
Nicole, Guest TMH
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m 25 and have been married for almost 6 years. When my husband I and got married, I was 20 years old, still in college and we both had no intentions of having children… EVER. Somewhere along the way, I guess my motherly instincts kicked in, and playing mama to my dogs isn’t cutting it anymore and I really want to have a baby. My husband, now 29, still doesn’t want children.
Our lifestyle is often in chaos because he’s in the military and he’s currently learning to fly jets. I keep hoping he’ll change his mind once training stops or maybe mine will go back to where it was. I don’t want to pressure him into having kids and I will NEVER trick him into it either. I want this to be a mutual decision.
For the most part, I’ve given up my dreams to follow and support my husband, and he definitely makes everything worth it. But I’m a little afraid I’ll end up resenting him and I don’t want to. I’m also having a hard time not getting jealous when many of my friends are getting pregnant and having children. I feel like something is missing and I’m a bit depressed.
What do you suggest to help me channel my motherly instincts and jealousy elsewhere, so I stop driving my husband nuts trying to convince him to make babies with me?
Longing for a Baby
Longing for a Baby,
So at the age of 20, you didn’t want a baby. Well, at the age of 20, I didn’t want to ever be one of those suburban moms who drives a gold minivan and wears visors because that would be so lame. But now that I’m just a bit older, I love all the kids that fit in my minivan. And well, visors keep your head cool and protect you from the sun. C’mon, it’s true!
My point is – life changes, priorities change and desires change. I’m amazed you even got married at 20. Because at that age, I was drunk on goldfish shots (Yes, live goldfish! In the shots!) trying to determine whether it was classier to get a tattoo or a belly ring. I eventually went belly ring.
There is nothing wrong with you wanting a baby now. I could tell you how loud, messy and stinky babies are but it would do nothing to temper your desire. And I wish I could funnel your energies into something else but it’s been my experience that when you want a baby, YOU WANT A BABY. And nothing is going to change that.
This isn’t the kind of thing you can sacrifice for another individual. I would strongly suggest you see a couple’s therapist to work on this issue or else it’s going to tear you apart. There can be lots of anger and resentment when couples disagree over growing their family.
Also, stop shelving your own dreams for your spouse. Yes, you may have to making certain adjustments for your husband’s military career but that doesn’t mean you can’t fulfill your own goals. This needs to be an equal partnership after all.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I found out that my 15 year old daughter has a girlfriend. I can’t let her know, because to do so would give away that I was reading her tumblr, and that’s sort of like reading a diary.
So I’m pretty cool with it all… I’m not going all psycho “Oh no, is my daughter really gay? My life is over!” melodramatic or anything. (I honestly think she’s just in an experimental stage, and even if she’s not, I’m not freaking out. She is what she is, and I happen to think she’s really awesome.)
The problem is this: her girlfriend also has a tumblr and posted a photo of herself kissing my daughter. She also talked about her beautiful girlfriend using my daughter’s real first name. So there are photos of my daughter kissing “Beth”, along with my daughter’s first name on “Beth’s”tumblr.
A tumblr is totally public. Anyone can see it, and follow their way from one to another like I did. I am worried about someone from their school finding it and potentially making her life difficult, but I can’t really discuss it with her without letting her know I was cyber-stalking her. Help!
Troubled by Tumblr
First things first: I’m thoroughly relieved to see that you are approaching this situation with an open mind, love, and acceptance. Without those ingredients your task would be even more daunting and problematic. (As if dealing with a teenager of any kind isn’t daunting and problematic enough to begin with.)
That said, I think you have answered your own question here. Her tumblr account is public, right? So, why should you feel ashamed that you TUMBLED upon it? (See what I did there?) This can actually be a really great teachable moment for her when it comes to online privacy and safety. For us parents, it’s easier to see the dangers of the online world, but for our kids, who have grown up entrenched in the culture, it can be more challenging to gain that perspective.
But before you proceed with a plan, I think there’s one question you need to ask for yourself: is it really her online safety that you are concerned with? Or do you feel that you need to reconnect with your daughter in light of this new information? Maybe it’s a bit of both? Because I think the answer to that will dictate your next course of action.
My worry is that there is the potential of distancing your daughter if she feels judged or manipulated. In other words, if she is self-conscious about her sexuality, we don’t want her to think that you are using “online safety” as a front for discouraging her homosexual PDA.
You know your daughter better than I do, so you will be the best predictor of how this discussion might go. If you still feel uncomfortable, or simply want some support through the process, don’t hesitate to seek out a family therapist for some further guidance on the issue. They may even have some insight on this generation’s need to ELIMINATE VOWELS FROM WORDS WITH WILD ABANDON.
Keep us posted,
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m a nanny and I absolutely love my job, but my bosses are driving me insane. They waffle between wanting to be completely hands-on with their three kids and basically shoving me out of the room to do chores and housework that aren’t a part of my job description.
I’ve been working for them for almost a year now, and I average 60 hour weeks, but have yet to see a single overtime check. Lately there have been a lot of comments about how random things are my responsibility (“Don’t worry about clearing the table, that’s the nanny’s job”) or how I’m paid to do things (“Don’t worry about the laundry, honey, the nanny can fold it. That’s what we’re paying her for.”)
I know that financially they’re not in as good a place as they had hoped to be due to the blow Hurricane Irene dealt our area. And I don’t want to sound greedy and demand/ beg for more money, but at the same time I’m getting fed up with being pushed around and dumped on without the compensation they claim to be giving me. What should I do?
Ready to Move Out of This Nanny State
First of all, I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time with your employer. I imagine it’s very hard to love kids like they’re family, yet be treated unfairly and like you’re just an employee by their parents. The role of Nanny can be inherently difficult for many reasons, including emotional. Which is why I only let the cat or the TV watch my kids when I’m not home. After all, I don’t want them getting attached to a hot lass from Sweden who doesn’t yell things like, “I’m setting fire to your Legos unless you pick them up, you nimrods!”
Now, I’m going to try my best to give you advice on this, but since there are many details I don’t know—your employment agreement, compensation, taxes, housing, etc.—it won’t necessarily be my usual brilliance. But I will say that 60 hours a week seems like a lot and you’re probably not being paid by the hour or they wouldn’t ask that of you. You’re also probably not being paid to do laundry or cleaning, but maybe that was part of your original agreement? That whole “light housekeeping” trap that many have fallen into. (Also known as “marriage,” am I right ladies? Up high!) Anyway, do you think Mary Poppins would put up with any of this shit? No, she’d whack Dick Van Dyke’s ass with her umbrella is what’d she do.
What I think you need to do is stand up for yourself and ask them to discuss your hours and compensation with an eye to possible changes. You may have agreed to certain things when you took the job, but that doesn’t mean you can’t revise them later. Be strong and let them know that you’re working too many hours and also let them know that you’re confused as to which is your priority—the kids or the cleaning. And understand that your employers aren’t necessarily bad people, but it can be easy to start pushing things off on the nanny when you have one. Take a look at the Fair Labor Standards Act to see if it applies to you.
Finally, you’re a nice person to be concerned about their financial struggles. You really are. But repeat after me: Their Money Problem Is Not My Money Problem. Meaning, fair is fair and you should be compensated for the work you’re doing whether they can afford it or not. I mean, I don’t tell my hairdresser that I’m going to pay her the same for full highlights as I do partial because my money’s tight, right? You’re a single woman and you need to look out for yourself and your own financial well-being.
Just remember that a kind, generous nanny is hard to find and your employers need to realize how fortunate they are and treat you accordingly. If they don’t, polish up your resume.
And your umbrella.