22 Nov
My Husband’s Pay Cut Hurts His Ego

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband has had to take serious pay cuts in the last couple years. It’s really hurt his ego. Nothing I say makes him feel better about the situation. What can I do to restore his faith in himself?

Signed,

For Richer or Poorer

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Dear FRoP,

This economy is just awful and it’s hard to be optimistic when people are getting laid off right and left.   I’m sorry that your family has been affected.

And an unfortunate consequence is that not only are people having to make do with less money, but many of us are feeling terrible about ourselves as a result.  If it’s true that misery loves company, than we’re certainly not alone.  Although your husband certainly knows that this is nationwide epidemic, a quick reminder by looking through the paper  or the evening news will remind him that he is in a very large boat with others similarly situated.  The Titanic, if you will.

I’m afraid that there is no magic phrase that you can utter (with the possible exception of “Is it me, or is your penis huger than ever?!) that will make him feel better about earning less, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t show him in other ways that you love and support him regardless of his paycheck size.

There is very little that is good about having less money, but I know several families who have made cutting economic corners a family affair.  Involve the kids in discussing what is a “necessity” (like mommy’s special juice) and what is a luxury (toys and snacks).  How about a family game night or watching old movies of your wedding or your children’s births instead of going out to the movies?  All of you cooking together and freezing meals to cut down on take-out expenses?

I know that it doesn’t scream “fun” but it does whisper “we’re all in it together” and takes the financial burden off your husband’s shoulders.

Good luck to you. And I really hope that the economy turns around soon.

Marinka, TMH

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Hey, have you checked out our new Things We Love Box?  It’s right there, on the side bar.  Go ahead, click on it! You know you want to.

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19 Nov
Good Housekeeping @Home

The Mouthy Housewives recently learned of a useful new app for the iPhone from Good Housekeeping (yeah, that Good Housekeeping. The ones with the SEAL.) Since I’m the only Mouthy Housewife smart enough to actually have an iPhone instead of one of those “other” phones that pale in comparison because you can’t play Angry Birds and neglect your children, I was able to try it out first. And let me tell you, it’s a good thing I did.

While there are many reasons to like this app—the Home Decor Gallery, the News & Tips, the Do-It-All Cleaning features—here’s the main reason I’m happy to have this at my fingertips: The Stain Buster button.

Oh, did I not mention earlier that my middle name is “Stain?”

Not only do I have two little boys, but I also have an incontinent 18-year-old cat and a husband who sometimes forgets to put caps back on the ketchup bottle before he starts shaking it like he’s Tom Cruise in Cocktail. That, plus my propensity to sometimes spill wine when I get super excited during a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills marathon, means I’m always running to my computer to research stain removal. Unfortunately, this can take a little time what with the booting up, the Googling, the stopping at TMZ.com to see Mel Gibson’s latest rant and that all means that by the time I finally find the answer, THE STAIN HAS SET. And as God is my witness, you NEVER want the stain to set, my friends. It’s sudden death.

But now, with the Stain Buster app on my phone, I can spill my Kirkland wine all over my Kirkland sweatpants and it’s just mere seconds before I know the proper way to remove it. I also now know how to remove an avocado stain from carpet and baked bean stains from a couch, as well as the number one stain (per GH) blood from fabric! (I’ll let you use your imagination as to what I was up to the night I caused all of those stains in a 20-minute period. I still don’t like to talk about it.)

And the best part of all, the GH @Home app is free so be sure to check it out before you spill something again.

(That is, if you’re smart enough to have an iPhone.)

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18 Nov
There’s Room for One Female Only

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband and I have been married three weeks. Recently his daughter performed in a school musical and my husband’s ex wife was there. It was the first meeting between her and me.   The ex saved seats for my husband and our family, sat by us, chatted with his family, and joined us post-performance in the lobby while we were waiting for his daughter. I was surprised she didn’t ask to go home with us, show me their original wedding pictures or join hands for a round of Kumbaya.

My husband says he has tried hard to keep his relationship with his ex civil for his daughter. I didn’t witness any civility but I did see a whole lotta “the ex wife is still the alpha female” going on. How do I get my husband to understand good co-parenting doesn’t include still joined in holy matrimony? There is room for one wife and that’s me.

Sincerely,
Vexed by his Ex

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Dear Vexed by his Ex,

Having been married to the same man for over fourteen years, I admit I don’t have a lot of experience with ex-spouses. But I do have a lot of experience talking about things I know nothing about, so count this as your lucky day here at TMH!

This his ex-wife really takes the jungle cake, doesn’t she? Who does she think she is – the daughter’s mother?! Honestly I don’t know what to think about people nowadays who go to their own daughter’s musical performance and expect to somehow share the proud experience with the father and extended family.   What, with the recital seat-saving and family chatting I’m just shocked she wasn’t thrown out of the school auditorium! Gesh.

And again, you are totally right that there is only room for one wife. In my not-so-humble opinion there is only room for one FEMALE in a man’s life, which is why I drank nothing but screwdrivers when getting pregnant. This made me not only morally loose, but also caused my vaginal environment   to be less acidic, ensuring I conceived male children only. But before that, I cooked up a diabolical alpha female coup d’ etat where I systematically destroyed my husband’s relationship with his mother and sister.

Of course, on the other hand, the fact that your husband is able to co-parent successfully with his ex and that their daughter can have both of her parents attend her recital is pretty fantastic. And so much preferable to their daughter having to put on separate recitals for each side of the family.   Reciprocate her civility and don’t worry:   your husband knows who he’s married to. You’re the one he chose after all.

Signed,

Heather, TMH

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17 Nov
When Should a SAHM Stop Dressing Like a Kid?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m about to turn 40 but I dress like I’m 20. I’m a SAHM, so most days I just wear jeans, flip flops and t-shirts. It seems silly to put any more effort into it than that, but now that I’m getting older, should I try to look more mature?

Signed,

My Wardrobe Needs to go Back to the Future

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Dear Wardrobe Girl,

Yes, of course you should try to look more mature! Why don’t you get yourself a nice sensible bob, color it mousy, dull brown and pick out your next outfit at Talbots. I used to wear clothes from Talbots when I was underage and wanted to go drinking in bars. The right pantsuit and pearls could put five years on me.

Here’s the thing about being 40 and I can speak with great authority on the topic because I am 40 or as I describe it, my very very late 30s. The age comes with wrinkles… crow’s feet, laugh lines, forehead wrinkles.   If I had known, I would have moved my face a whole lot less during my youth.   And wrinkles are all you need to look more mature. And here’s the sad truth, you can throw on any t-shirt and jeans you want and no one is going to confuse you with a college student.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t kick it up a notch from time to time. Maybe once and awhile, skip the casual outfits and put on something a little sassier like this cute top and pants…

And I’ll be damned. This outfit is even from Talbots.

By the way, who says generation Z (Is that what 20-somethings are now? I’ve lost track) has sole dibs on the t-shirt/jeans/flip flops combo. As far as I’m concerned, that’s an all American outfit, perfect for any age.

Signed,

Kelcey, TMH

Talbots had no involvement with this post. Any disparaging remarks or compliments of this brand are simply due to my consumption of too much candy and wine. I received no free pantsuits in exchange for this post.

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16 Nov
Eek! It’s a Gleek!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have a 41-year-old friend who is completely obsessed with the TV show Glee. She downloads the songs and listens to them all day, and she constantly talks about the characters. It’s really, really irritating. Should I just let her continue or say something?

Signed,

Am I Out of Tune?

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Dear Am I Out of Tune,

First of all, let me make it clear that it’s very normal to be obsessed with a show like Glee.

If you’re 16 and in a group home for wayward girls.

However, if you’re a 41-year-old woman, this type of fanaticism raises a few questions. Questions like, is your friend:

1. Not getting any fulfillment in her real life?

2. Living out her high school fantasies?

3. Not at all aware that Finn and Rachel totally slaughtered Don’t Stop Believin’ and are never going to make it as a couple unless she stops being so self-centered, that Amber’s background gospel wails are majorly annoying, that Sue Sylvester should have way more screen time than Schuster and that if this group of yokels ever dares massacre another Stones song I’m going to blow up my local Fox station with a crockpot full of napalm?

(I mean if I actually even had time to watch Glee, what with all of my high-level business thingys I do with my, um, Masters degree from…that place with the books…by the park.)

Anyway, while it’s hard to know what her particular motivation is, at least her annoying preoccupation is relatively harmless and will soon pass. Just be happy that she’s not into something truly awful instead—like weed, alcohol or sleeping with your husband while you’re at the Macy’s One-Day Sale.

Because I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t make anyone very gleeful, would it?

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

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