30 Jul
OMG! The Mouthy Housewives In NYC!

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29 Jul
Help, Bejeweled Has Me Befuddled!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I am completely addicted to Bejeweled on Facebook. I play it over and over and over again. It’s not like I ignore my kids. I play it from 10 pm to 1 am every night. But I can’t stop myself. Should I deactivate my Facebook membership?



Dear Befuddled,

This is a perfect example of the diversity in the human race. I have no idea what Bejeweled is, but I am completely addicted to old high school insecurities on Facebook! I can’t stop looking at old high school photos all the former popular kids post and realizing I am in NONE of them. My BFF comes to our hometown for a visit, arranges to meet up with another friend but doesn’t even tell me she’ll be in town. I can’t stop myself from staring at the photos of their dinner and wallowing in self-pity for not being invited!

I looked into this Bejeweled thing, thinking it might be a healthier addiction since it won’t make me feel like a high school reject all over again. However, when I logged into Facebook, I was sidetracked by new Prom ’92 photos someone posted – the prom where I couldn’t even get a date – and I never got around to installing the Bejeweled app.

But in the big picture, this Facebook addiction or that one, it doesn’t matter. This question is whether we must quit FB altogether in order to save ourselves from those boring AA-type meetings. In a perfect world where all adults are mature and always make the best decision, I would say no, we do not have to deactivate our account in order to maintain a healthy life balance.

However, if I were to judge by my pants size – which is not a size 4 – we don’t live in a perfect world. We all have flaws and weaknesses, mine being chocolate chip cookies and self-flagellation with my high school yearbook, yours a game involving flashy jewels with no market value whatsoever. As adults it’s up to us to determine whether Facebook is acting as a fun yet harmless diversion or a crutch distracting us from addressing a deeper life problem.


Heather, TMH

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28 Jul
If You Love Me, You Won’t Pee in the Shower

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband recently told me that he pees in the shower. I’m completely grossed out. Do you agree that it’s uncivilized? How do I get him to stop?


And put the seat down when you’re done


Dear Put the Seat Down When You’re done,

Oh yes. I completely agree. Uncivilized.   But I’m sure it’s quite common.   I don’t have any data to back up my belief, mostly because I just don’t have the time to install video cameras in showers across America, but I’m positive lot of people are doing this.

I mean, not me. I’m a lady for gosh sakes.

Option 1: Tell your husband that you would prefer if he did not pee in the shower. Politely point out that you don’t bathe in the toilet. He will likely promise to stop using the shower as his personal potty. He is likely lying but who cares because you will be happy.

Option 2: You can try to accept this vile habit because it saves water and is very earth friendly. In fact at one point, Brazil had an ad campaign to encourage people to urinate in the shower as a way to conserve water.   Apparently, if a household avoids one flush a day, it can save up to 1,157 gallons of water annually. Isn’t it fun to save the planet while peeing?

Option 3:   You can take my husband’s advice.   I asked him what you should do and he said, “Get over it.” He’s a succinct man.

Whatever you decide to do, I would definitely take Brazil off your travel list. That is not a place you will enjoy taking a shower.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

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27 Jul
Mama Paparazzi

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My 6-year-old daughter refuses to take a picture. She throws a complete fit every time I try to take a snapshot. It’s ridiculous. The last photo I have of her she was starting preschool, but   I want to document my daughter’s life. Any ideas?


Camera Shy


Dear Camera Shy,

Okay, I know everyone probably expects me to say something snarky here, like “Why don’t you do what the modeling agencies do and just ply your daughter with champagne and a few ‘vitamin shots’ to get her moving? Or maybe stop feeding her for a few weeks until she’s ready to hold a pose. That’s what Gucci did with Kate Moss in ’88—genius!”

But you know what? I’m actually not going to say anything like that because I’m trying to be more mature these days. And just to prove my maturity, allow me to share with you what I put on every time I have MY picture taken:

Vacuum & Kate Plus WTF?

But supposing you actually don’t want pictures of your 6-year-old in a $9.98 Gosselin Halloween wig that makes her look like a premenstrual porcupine, here are some wonderful tactics that professional NYC photographer Jennifer Lee suggests:

“Capture the candid moments of everyday life… playing with her toys, reading a favorite book, wearing dress up clothes. If you can, use a zoom lens, back up and allow them to continue playing. DO NOT call her attention or ask her to smile. Just allow her to be herself.

Keep your camera in an easily accessible place and ready to shoot. Children are rarely sedentary and their moods can change instantly. If you make your camera an extension of your hand, you will integrate it into your lifestyle and your daughter will learn to be comfortable going on with her activities while you shoot away.

Make a point to photograph all situations, not just special occasions, but haircuts, walks down the sidewalk, playtime, homework, etc. Weave photography into your life. You will get more natural photos and a wonderful record of your family. You will start telling stories with your photos.

If you are determined to capture a photo of your child smiling at the camera, make a game of it! Peek-a-Boo usually works like a charm.  Acting silly – or better yet – having another adult act silly right next to you will inevitable inspire giggles. Another great thing is reverse psychology. Many times I will tell kids “DON’T look at the camera – don’t you do it!” Of course, they will immediately look, then I’ll say “Hey! I told you NOT to look!!” This usually yields huge smiles and laughter.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or your child. Just keep on trying and keep shooting. If you take lots of photos and experiment with different games and ideas with your child, you are bound to get some phenomenal ones. The ones that you think are going to be perfect usually are not and the moments in between often capture the true personalities.”

So, Camera Shy, just follow one or more of these great tips and you’ll soon be on your way to filling up those family scrapbooks! Whoo!

Finally, remember that it’s not always bad to have a daughter who doesn’t love the spotlight because that means you probably won’t end up spray tanning her on a future episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. And that’s something everyone can smile about, isn’t it?


Wendi, TMH

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26 Jul
Get the Hint, Already

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

The mother of my daughter’s best friend keeps inviting me out for coffee, drinks, spa days and every other “fun” activity you can think of. It’s nice of her, but I don’t like her. She has tons of other friends, so it’s not that she’s lonely. How do I get her to stop asking me?


Stop Friending Me

Dear Stop Friending Me,

I’m going to have to assume that you’ve already applied for an Order of Protection against this woman. I mean, coffee, drinks and spa days? I don’t know how you can sleep at night knowing she’s out there. If you don’t nip this one in the bud, she’ll be dragging you to movies and shopping sprees next.

But if you haven’t tried at least one outing with her, you really owe it to yourself. She’s your daughter’s best friend’s mother. She may surprise you.

Then, if your opinion of her remains unchanged, I must commend you for contacting The Mouthy Housewives because we go to great lengths to make sure our readers’ problems are solved. Meaning, I’ll meet her for the spa day, Heather will meet her for drinks, count on Kelcey to show up for that coffee date and if anything else comes up, Wendi’s your gal.

If for some strange reason you don’t want to go with that award-winning idea, just keep saying “no” without the human impulse to soften it with a “some other time, maybe.” Most people will get the hint after a half a dozen times and the ones who are a bit slower will usually pick up on your disinterest in six to twelve months.

If you are worried that you appear overly unfriendly in rejecting her every advance, invite her and her daughter over for dinner some day. The kids will love it and she may be easier to bear with them around.

Best wishes!


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