Every week(ish), The Mouthy Housewives present their coveted(ish) Seal of Approval to a post that made us laugh and become a better person.
Today we welcome with open-arms our fabulous guest-poster Lisa from Smacksy. If you haven’t read Smacksy before, get there as fast as you can. Lisa is a charming, funny, down-to-earth writer who regularly regales her readers with what it’s like to live with a preschooler named Bob who doesn’t like to wear pants. We’re honored to have you, Lisa!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am really angry because a slacker colleague got a bigger raise than I did. I found out about it because she assumed that we got the same amount and told me. I am now very upset, and my morale is at an all-time low. Do I say something to my boss or suck it up?
Raise A Stink?
Dearest R.A. Stink,
Deep in the job history that is not represented on my resume, I was employed as a food server, or as we referred to it in the olden days, a “waitress.” One busy lunch shift, I confided in another waitress, Pammy, that our manager, Felix had been subtly hitting on me. Never anything blatant enough to call him on, but Felix stood too close, he would brush up against me, and had a skeezy overall vibe. This outraged Pammy. I soon found out that Pammy and Felix had actually been seeing each other on the down low for a few months. Once I knew that she knew and he knew that I knew that she knew and he knew the whole deal was awkward for all involved.
My first point is if your slacker co-worker is a pleasant horse-faced gal named Pammy, she may very well be sleeping with your boss. My second and sharper point is that you never really know what goes on behind the scenes in the workplace or why people make the money they do. Your lazy cubicle roommate may have an MBA that you don’t, or job experience that you don’t, or better salary-negotiating skills than you do. It doesn’t really matter.
You’re going to have to nut up. Bringing the discrepancy up to your boss will only brand you as a bitter whiner and out your lazy colleague as a big mouth. The gift in all this is that when it comes time for your next review, you will have inside knowledge that puts you in a better position to ask for the “going rate” for your position.
Be cool to the blabber-mouthed slacker. She unwittingly did you a favor… and the way things are going, she could be your new supervisor.
Lisa, Guest TMH
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My sister married a real jerk. He’s constantly one-upping everything we all do and making comments about what we are all doing wrong. Well, we found out he’s cheating the IRS and turned him in for tax fraud. Am I an awful sister??
Family Stool Pigeon
Dear Family Stool Pigeon,
I would tell you to sit down for my answer, but you are only going to jump up again so don’t bother.
Yes, you are an awful sister.
Really? You ratted out your brother-in-law to the IRS? And you’re calling him the jerk. Hmmm.
Did you stop to consider how he is going to one-up you on that?
He’ll probably plant a few kilos of cocaine in your car and then call the cops on you. Or worse, he’ll put a dead body in your basement and turn you in to CSI Miami. I’d be scared if I were you, very scared.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I suspect my boyfriend could be cheating on me, but I don’t have any proof. It’s more like I have a “gut feeling.” Do you think I should see about hiring a private investigator? Or should I confront him with my suspicions?
Dear Suspicious Sally,
Start by asking yourself the following questions: Is he the Governor of South Carolina? Is he the best golfer in the world? Was he John Kerry’s running mate in 2004? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then I can say with 100 percent accuracy that your man is cheating on you.
If you’re not dating Mark Sanford, Tiger Woods or John Edwards, then we may have to do some more digging. I am a big believer in gut feelings, but how long have you been dating this guy? If it’s only been a couple months, then going all private investigator on his arse is kind of intense. But if you have been together awhile, possibly live together or have talked about getting married, then you need to know.
I can save you the trouble of asking him directly. His answer will be “no.” Whether he’s Mr. Loyal or the biggest manwhore out there, he will defiantly insist that he’s faithful. So if you suspect he’s cheating (he’s often out late at night, gives lame excuses when he can’t see you, never leaves his email open, smells like Paris Hilton’s Eau de Parfum when you wear Fantasy by Britney Spears, etc.) and you have the cash, go ahead and hire a private investigator.
It will either give you peace of mind or set you free to find a new man whose loyalty you’ll never question.
Good luck to you,
The Mouthy Housewives are throwing a happy hour party at BlogHer 2010 this summer!! If you want to find out all the details and how to sign up when the time comes, join our Facebook group by clicking here.
And remember, whether you’re going to BlogHer or not, we need your votes!! Aunt Becky, Marinka, Wendi, and I (of The Mouthy Housewives and Mommy Wants Vodka) have put in for a Room of our Own on how to create a successful, entertaining advice site.
So please just click here, log on to BlogHer and then click “I would attend this session” (it’s just above the title: Dear Abby 2.0). After you click it it will miraculously say “I would not attend this session.” This means that your vote for the session has been successfully registered. Thank you!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m very attracted to a friend’s husband. I’m happily married, and would never, ever act on it, of course. But how do I get rid of this crush? It’s making me feel silly and uncomfortable.
Dear Krush Killer,
I want you to close your eyes for a moment and picture Mr. Crush in your head. Think about his warm, brown eyes, his strong hands, his sexy laugh, the way he trims his hedges with the style and grace of a young, hot Sean Connery. Ahhh… delicious, isn’t he? It’s really no wonder why you’ve fallen so hard for your friend’s perfect husband.
Now I want you to close your eyes again. This time, picture Mr. Crush sprawled out on your couch wearing nothing but dingy underwear and black socks. Keep looking as he loudly scratches his belly, burps like a rabid gorilla, then wanders over to the kitchen where instead of putting his cereal bowl in the dishwasher, he carelessly plops it in the sink knowing that the little lady’ll take care of it for him like she always does.
White-hot crush staring to fade a bit?
The truth is, we all sometimes find someone besides our mate attractive. Chalk it up to chemistry, or animal lust, or too much wine mixed with black market diet pills. Crushes are normal, and usually illogical. And since you claim you’re “happily married,” I’m assuming there doesn’t seem to be any deep-seated displeasure with your husband or any danger of you acting upon these feelings.
Therefore, might I suggest you simply repeat the second part of the visualization exercise I mentioned above a few times a day. Maybe add in a few images of Mr. Crush throwing his dirty socks on the ground, picking lint out of his misshapen belly button, and doing the white-man’s underbite to “Louie Louie” at your class reunion, too. Ewww! you’ll think. He’s disgusting! He’s repulsive! He’s making me nauseated! He’s nowhere near as cute as—my husband.
Congratulations to ANDREA, the winner of our FLOW book giveaway ! Enjoy the read!
MORE MOUTHY HOUSEWIVES BIDNESS:
We’re throwing a happy hour party at BlogHer 2010 this summer!! If you want to find out all the details and how to sign up when the time comes, join our Facebook group by clicking here.
And remember, whether you’re going to BlogHer or not, we need your votes!! Aunt Becky, Marinka, Wendi, and I (of The Mouthy Housewives and Mommy Wants Vodka) have put in for a Room of our Own on how to create a successful, entertaining advice site. So please just click here, log on to BlogHer and then click “I would attend this session” (it’s just above the title: Dear Abby 2.0). After you click it it will miraculously say “I would not attend this session.” This means that your vote for the session has been successfully registered. Thank you!