I’m Thinking Of Getting My Kid Her Own Apartment. Problem Is She’s 10.
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TMH Tip of the Week
To help your body stay warm on cold winter nights, don’t use one of those expensive, unattractive Snuggies.
Simply think about a naked George Clooney plumping your pillows.
Ahhhhh. That’s better. OMG–is it hot in here, or is it just him?
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How Do You Spell ‘Idiot’? With no ‘e’
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have always spelled my name without an “e” at the end…as in, always. My husband’s family (we have been married for more than twenty years) still spells it with an “e” on every birthday and Christmas card. It drives me crazy! In the 2008 Christmas cards, I actually signed my name and put in brackets after (with no “e”). Guess what, for my birthday and for Christmas 2009, ALL the cards had my name WITH an “e”!
How can I deal with this?
Signed,
Irritated by In-laws
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Dear Erritated,
This has a simple solution: Begin misspelling all of their names too. Let’s say your father-in-law’s name is John. On his next birthday, write in the card, “Happy Birthday, Jerke!”
See how that works? You could even say, “Happy Birthday, Jerk (with no ‘e’)” since that seems to be a sort of calling card for you.
Or you could say “Happy Birthday, Jon,” if you would rather take a more tone-downed, sissy approach. But be warned! You’ll lose face with the Mouthy Housewives if you do.
Signed,
Haehter, TMH
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My Sitter Sucks But My Kid is Happy
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have a babysitter that is driving me crazy but my kid really likes her. She has lied to me in the past and is lazy. After my kid has a snack, she won’t even rinse the dish. If she eats something, same thing. She just tosses everything into the sink. The dishwasher is right there. I’m not asking her to clean my home, just clean up a bit after my kid and HERSELF! How do I deal with this?
Signed,
You’ve Got to be Kidding Me
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Dear You’ve Got to be Kidding Me,
Your babysitter is lazy, a liar and a slob? Well, on the upside there is little chance that anyone is going to try to steal her away from you (and you know how nasty those babysitter wars can get). Of course, on the downside, you actually employ her.
Everyone has different standards for babysitters. For some parents, they just want their kid in one piece when they walk in the door, and they don’t care if the kid is asleep on the stove top as long as it’s turned off. Other parents expect a tidy playroom, clean dishes and children that have actually had their teeth brushed and hair washed. So figure out what is important to you.
As for me, I drew the line at a sitter who left my kid’s big ole poop in the portable potty. It was disgusting. The whole house smelled nasty when I came home from a lovely girls’ night out. I firmly told the sitter that poop comes with the job and she just as firmly told me that she’d find another job. I guess we just weren’t meant to be.
It sounds like you have become a personal assistant to your babysitter. It’s great that your child likes her, but your kid will like other sitters, too. Unless you’re paying this sitter in Monopoly money, you are being taken advantage of, so get rid of her fast.
Find some new sitters and express your requirements (like cleaning the dishes or neatening up the toys) from the very beginning so there is no confusion. You can often find a new sitter by posting an ad on a local college site. Make sure to check references so you can weed out the bad candidates. You know, the ones that are lazy, liars and slobs.
And a good rule of thumb…. if your babysitter is treating you like your ex-boyfriend did, then dump the chick and move on.
Good luck to you,
Kelcey, TMH
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Wahhh! My Fwiend Tawks Baby Tawk
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have a friend who talks babytalk to his girlfriend on the phone and it’s really annoying. He also checks out random girls in front of me and makes remarks like, “Look at that meat. I wanna do her good.” It’s disrespectful to me as his friend, but do you think his girlfriend likes that? How do I tell him to stop it?
Signed,
The Loud Mouth B*tch
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Dear Loud Mouth B*tch,
Awww, what’s the matta, snookums? Is da wittle gwurl ma-aaaddd? Is baby angwy at you sillweee fwiend because he’s rood and crood? Is he makin’ you all up-set-wet?
Then dump his ass.
Today.
Seriously, this guy is a Misogynist with a capital “I hate women.” It sounds like he either infantilizes girls with the ridiculous babytalk, or he views them as nothing but sex objects. And as a card carrying member of the female gender, I know I wouldn’t want to spend another second with him. (And what his girlfriend thinks about it is none of your concern. She’s a big girl and can figure this out on her own.) (Hopefully before they pick out china patterns.)
Now, I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, “But Wendi…he’s really nice to me sometimes! He’s really funny! He’s my friend! I can’t just dump him!” And maybe that’s true. But I’ll tell you something—no matter what you say to him, he’s probably never going to change because his world view is totally warped. I mean, I know none of the men I choose to have in my life refer to women as “meat.” Especially not the vegans.
In closing, I’m going to tell you some words of wisdom that I either read in a book of Buddhist prayer or on the wall of a Cracker Barrel bathroom stall one time when I was drunk:
“Life is too short to spend it with shitheads, so flush ‘em down the drain and move on, baby.”
Sewiously.
Love,
Wendi, TMH
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And our big Mouthy Housewives congratulations go out to Ashley Peterson, winner of our $200 TOMS shoe giveaway! Have fun in those new kicks, Ashley!
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