30 Nov
I Love It, Can I Have It?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My sister-in-law likes my stuff.   She likes my stuff so much that every time she visits she asks things like, “Can I have those earphones?” and “Oh I love this lotion! Can I have it?” and “That antique dresser would look way better at my house, can I have it?”

My house is not a fire sale. I like my stuff as much as she does and have no desire to give it away. When I ask my husband to politely tell her to keep her filthy mitts off, he just shrugs and says, “That’s just my sister’s personality.” How can I tell my sister-in-law to buy her own housewares and still be invited to family functions?

Signed,

For The Love Of Stuff
_________________________________

Dear Stuff Lover,

I’ve heard that in some cultures, it’s a high compliment to tell someone that you want their things. I was just in a middle of a letter to President Obama asking him to put those countries within the axis of evil and proceed accordingly.

Because having family over is traumatic enough, without them pilfering your belongings.   Assuming that your sister-in-law is over the age of nine, the age where most children are developmentally able to grasp the concept of “not mine,” there are some strategies to combat her outrageous behavior.

Tell her No.

Let’s practice.

Sister-in-law:   “I love that chair! Can I have it?”
You:   “No.”

Sister-in-law: “What a great vase! It’ll look great at my house.”
You:   “Sure, take it!”
Sister-in-law:   “Really? Thanks!”
You:   “Of course not! Who does this kind of thing? Get away from my stuff!”

Repeat as necessary. After a few months, she should realize that your stuff is not hers for the asking and stop.

If not, just show up at her house and start asking for stuff.
“That ruby ring is so gorgeous, but is not really flattering on you, hand it over,” you may try.
Or, “I love your china set.   Why don’t I take it, since you’re not exactly a fancy cook?”   If she agrees, great news!   You just got lots of stuff to unload on eBay.   If she seems outraged, congratulate her on her very Aha! Moment. Even Oprah would be proud.

Toodles,

Marinka, TMH

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27 Nov
Lines, Lines, Lines, Yeah Eh

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I hate thongs, but I also hate panty lines. And I refuse to go commando because I’m scared of getting an infection and/or hurting some of my lady parts with my zipper. What do you advise?

Signed,

The Thong Is Wrong

_______________________________

Dear Thong,

I hate to be the one to break it to you but wearing a thong is not the way to avoid panty lines. You see, when you do wear one, you get lines anyway, the only difference being they’re closer to that “God given” one better known as “your crack.”

In my world, the one where beauty takes a backseat to comfort and who cares if no one ever touches be again, wearing a thong is pretty much the equivalent of going commando anyway.

I’ve been given thong underwear in the past. The last time was Valentine’s Day 2007. He proceeded to hand me my gift and then never call me again. I was a bit bummed because clearly he knew that he would never ‘benefit’ from my wearing them and so the least he could have done was include the receipt so I could exchange the thong for a pair of fluffy slippers or something   that I would actually use.

But enough about me, what do you think of the fact that my underwear touches my belly button? I jest, it actually covers my belly button. No, I’m kidding. Sorry, I’m writing this while high on Oreos.

Anyway, the bottom line is,   (I know horrible pun) wearing a thong will on go so far in that what undergarments you should wear really depend more on they type of the fabric and color of your pants.

Click here and you’ll find several ways to solve your problem, none of which say you will need to walk around sans anything, you’ll be happy to know. So zip up with confidence my friend and just know that the penicillin is there if you need it but I have confidence you will be fine.

Good luck.

Jessica, TMH

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23 Nov
My 10 Year-Old Wants to See New Moon

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My 10 year-old daughter is begging me to see “New Moon.”   It’s rated PG-13, but is there any reason that I shouldn’t let her? She says that all her friends have already seen it and she feels left out.

Signed,
Old Mom

_________________________

Dear Old Mom,

Well, if she says that all her friends have already seen it, I don’t see that you have much of a choice.   In our house we have a rule–if I hear the “everyone’s doing it” line, my answer to whatever request they have is an automatic “no.”   Okay, so it backfired bigtime when I wouldn’t let them get the swine flu vaccine recently, but otherwise this method is pretty much fool-proof.

Because your daughter is entering a phase where peer pressure will become a lot more intense (don’t worry, it will only last thirty more years!), I think it’s important to address the entire “but everyone else is doing it” phenomenon head on.   Let her know that every family has different values and that you will not be swayed by another family’s decisions.   Throw in the whole “if your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you jump too?” argument for good ole times’ sake.

As for whether New Moon is age appropriate for your daughter?   Only you and her father can make that decision.   From what I know about the series it’s about obsessive love with a vampire, so in my book the appropriate age for that is approximately 68.   But I have found this website extremely helpful in deciding what movies my kids can see.   You have to register to use it, but it takes a minute and it’s free.

If you decide that your daughter is simply too young, tell her.   She should know that it’s your job to protect her from things that may be frightening and not age appropriate.   She doesn’t have to like it.     No child has ever thanked their parent in real time for setting boundaries.

Good luck,

Marinka, TMH
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Hey, do you know who got this week’s TMH Seal of Approval? Check it out here!

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22 Nov
TMH Seal of Approval

Every week or so, The Mouthy Housewives award the coveted TMH Seal of Approval in recognition of an excellent blog post that made us laugh.   This week, we are bestowing it upon Shallow Gal, for her (ahem) excellent and seasonal post Diary of a Turkey.   Thanks, Shallow Gal, for reminding us to put the kids to work!

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20 Nov
Needy, It’s So ’90’s

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