Bad Parenting In Public
Dear TMH,
The other day I was in Target and witnessed a mother loudly yelling at her screaming child. What is the politically correct way to judge this and other acts of the same nature when you see it occurring?
Signed,
Should I Mind My Own Business?
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Dear Should I Mind My Own Business,
Bad parenting is everywhere. But luckily, there’s not just one correct way to judge these inept parents, so the next time you see a mother let her baby drink Dr Pepper out of his bottle, feel free to be as creative in your disgust as you want to be. I personally like to just roll my eyes as I pass by.
But how to handle someone screaming at their kid? Well, first of all, everybody has had their kid throw a tantrum in a store. Everybody. Most people handle this by just leaving the store right away. Then there are those who immediately start yelling at their kid like they’re from the road company of The Jerry Springer Show.
If the situation seems out of hand and the mother’s totally losing it, I think it’s perfectly acceptable to try to diffuse it with a friendly, “Hey, is everything okay?” This may get you a nasty punch in the face, but it may also cause the Screamer to just stop what she’s doing and hit her reset button. After all, nobody likes to be judged in the court of public opinion.
On a more serious note, before I became a parent, I was once in a crowded theme park and witnessed a young mother push her 5-year-old son to the ground and angrily start kicking him. It was a horrifying thing to see, but I’m even more horrified to admit that I did nothing about it. In fact, nobody did.
I think of this event often because I’m truly ashamed that I didn’t intervene. I like to believe that, were it to happen again, my motherly instincts would propel me to immediately go rescue that kid. But would I have made a difference? Would the kid have been “saved?” Would the mother be arrested? Would more people have done something if she’d been kicking a dog that day? I truly don’t know. However, I do know that physically hurting a child is always wrong and should never be ignored. Whether that means calling in the police or not depends on the situation and those involved.
There is a lot of debate among mothers as to what to do when you see Bad Parenting in Action, but I really liked what this New York Times Motherlode article had to say.
Thanks so much for the question; it’s a difficult one to answer, but one that definitely needs to be addressed.
Sincerely,
Wendi, TMH
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No Bath Toys Needed
Many a new parent has splurged on colorful, bright bath toys only to toss them in the trash after they have mildewed.
The Mouthy Housewives recommend not buying those dumb toys ever again. Save your money and just throw a few tupperware containers (you know you have a few to spare), cups and some of the cheap, plastic toys you’ve picked up at birthday parties into the bath. Your child will be just as happy and so will you when you have a few extra bucks to spend on yourself.
But don’t skip the bubble bath. Clean Kids Naturally is my personal favorite.
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TMH Seal of Approval
Every week, The Mouthy Housewives award our Seal of Aproval to our favorite post. This week, Belgian Waffling’s excellent Afternoon Tea in Waffledome, reminded us that baking need not be boring. It can be downright literary.
Congratulations, Belgian Wafflings. And thanks for the biscuits.
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Congratulations, It’s a Middle-Aged Boy!
Dear TMH,
My husband argues with the kids instead of putting his foot down. Then both (husband and kids) come tattling to me about what the other one has said or done. This is so frustrating. Why can’t my husband just put his foot down and be a parent? I am tired of feeling like I have 5 kids instead of 4.
Signed,
Mother Wife in The Middle
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Dear Middle,
Personally, I can’t think of anything more endearing than having my husband come to me, with the kids in tow, and whine, “but they staaaarted it.” Because if there’s one thing that makes mediating between children even more enjoyable, it’s when one of the children is your middle-aged spouse.
Assuming that you’ve already had the standard “please put on your big boy boxers and deal with the children yourself” discussion with him, you now have two options.
One–the next time he comes to you, hear everyone out and announce, “Buffy is absolutely right. Dear, I’m afraid that you owe her an apology.” That’s right. Take the kid’s side. He comes to you because he knows that you will back him up. Time to turn the tables on him. He thinks your kid should get off the computer and do her chores? That’s too bad, because you seem to recall that people are given free will and Buffy wills to go watch her some YouTube. Chances are that he’ll stop seeing you as the follow through for his parenting. (Although this may have the unintended consequence of ruining your marriage. Sorry about that.)
Two–Talk to him. Not in the “listen, dumbass, you’re the parent” way that seems so appealing just about now, but in the “let’s make sure that we’re on the same page” way that has the two of you reflecting on your parenting goals and strategies. Although I will leave those strategies up to you, I heartily recommend the pages of 1-2-3 Magic. Despite its title, there is actually very little math involved and it has really worked with my kids. And my husband.
Or you could combine the two methods and have him sit in a time out while reading parenting manuals. Just make sure that he doesn’t come out of his time out spot until he’s ready. And that he doesn’t take the remote with him.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
SUMMER GIVEAWAY! The fabulous women over at Promom Couture are giving away one of their cool summer tanks to a lucky TMH reader. Simply leave a comment this week and we’ll put your name in the random drawing. How cute is this!?
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How long will it take for HIM to decompose?
Dear TMH,
I live across from a reservoir where hordes of Los Angelenos run/walk/jog/push their kids in strollers. Because there are no parking restrictions on our block, they usually park their vehicles- SUVs mostly- in front of our house. The other day, I saw a young father, shirtless, fresh from his run, breaking down his baby-runner all the while throwing his child’s uneaten cereal onto the sidewalk and street in front of our house. In the nicest way, I requested he not treat the front of our home as a personal trash receptacle. He replied they were only cereal puffs- as if that were a perfectly obvious explanation. Not being a father myself, I wondered if these cereal puffs had some sort of magical property that causes them to disintegrate once they are deposited onto dry land and how about that plastic bottle he left behind? Do heterosexual men attempt to use this brand of logic on say, Cheetohs left in the couch after a game?
Signed,
No, really, WTF?
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Dear No, Really:
I must confess that initially you lost me at “shirtless young father” However, after I got myself together, I finally got to reading the rest of your question and well, “litterer” trumps “shirtless” any day and you will be happy to know that he and I are no longer dating.
Being that I live in L.A., I know only too well those environmental hypocrites who leave the grocery store with their cloth bags filled with organic food only to then load them into their Hummers, where they then proceed to spend the next fifteen minutes sitting with the engine running and the A/C blasting because they dread going home. Now when I say, “home” I mean a two by four rental they’re forced to share with five other waiters wanna-be film stars because gassing up “the hum” and buying those three apples from Whole Foods seems to be sucking up a good portion of their tip money.
As far as the cereal bits go, I would guess that the birds, the squirrels or the former mortgage broker down the street from me with the big house, the Mercedes and unfortunately no prison sentence, would be more than happy to chomp down those little suckers, therefore eliminating the question of how long it would take for them to decompose. As for as the water bottle, if you go here, you will find all you need to know about the loooong, draaaaawn out process it goes through before it ceases to exist, as well as ways you can help save the planet from people like “shirtless” even though, sadly, there are no links to information to help save “shirtless” from himself.
With regard to the logic of a heterosexual male, I confess, I do not have the answer. If I had a clue of any kind, trust me when I say there is no way I would have spent the better part of a week away from my child, alone with take-out food, a box of Mike and Ike’s and a giant jigsaw puzzle. Sorry.
Hope this helped.
Love,
Jessica, TMH
SUMMER GIVEAWAY! The fabulous women over at Promom Couture are giving away one of their cool summer tanks to a lucky TMH reader.
Simply leave a comment this week and we’ll put your name in the random drawing. How cute is this!?
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